Broncos 2016 Offense Prediction

As if being a Broncos fan (as most people I know are) wasn’t hard enough, John Elway trades for Mr. Butt Fumble himself.  Now Sanchez is a lot better than Peyton Manning was last year, but… well that’s really all I’ve got.  He’s a decent backup, but would not be a good starter for the Broncos.  Think Denver’s defense is good enough to win a Super Bowl without an offense?  Wait until you see Denver’s offense playing defense against all the turnovers.  Not pretty.

So I’ve come up with a new offensive scheme that I think Denver should consider.  Listen up John Elway, here’s the players that you’ll need:  Johnny Manziel and Tim Tebow.  We’ve all seen teams running an offense from the shotgun with a running back on either side.  Now imagine if one of those running backs was named Tim Tebow, and he can throw the ball too.  Imagine if the other were Eddie Lacy!  Unfortunately, it appears Denver is going to hold onto the much better C.J. Anderson who will now be lining up on the other side of QB Johnny Manziel.

Essentially, ever play is a read or a triple option look.  In fact, we can even add in a fourth running option by having Emmanuel Sanders swing down from Wide Receiver for a potential end-around.  Now this, this is football.  Manziel could have 500 rushing yards, Tebow a 1000, and C.J. Anderson… 750.  Manziel and Tebow could split passing duties so that whenever a completion was needed Manziel could throw it instead of doing whatever it is that Tim Tebow does.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “This isn’t going to happen Charlie.  The NFL doesn’t work like some crazed college scheme drawn up by a drunk coach.  Tim Tebow and Manziel suck.”  And while you’d be right about everyone of these statements, the thing is, it would be a nightmare to gameplan.  Just writing about it makes it seem complex.  Sure, the offense might fumble it on botched handoffs 5 or 10 times a game, but it sure would be the most exciting thing I’ve ever seen.  After all, Denver needs a quarterback, and they’ll find one at #1 overall in the 2016 draft if only they would listen to me.


Hand Size Matters, An Unscientific Method

After mostly ignoring the NFL combine a few things became clear this week.  Namely, that hand size matters a HUGE amount (Note: Perverts leave NOW).  With the start of free agency we were greeted with a video of Brock Osweiler keeping a fight from occurring.  The video was posted on TMZ, and if you watch closely you’ll see that hand size matters.  Brock Osweiler never actually drops his pizza even as he defuses a fight.  If you look at Brock Osweiler’s hand size at the combine, he measures in at 9 7/8″.  That’s pretty big.

In and unscientific method I quickly measured my hand size as the NFL does.  My hand measures in at 9 1/4″.  For control I measured my family members too.  My brother measures in at 8 1/4,” my Mom at 9,” and my step-dad at 9 1/4.”  I play piano, but my brother does not, leading to my hand span being larger as a result (See Brandon Allen and his Magic Hand Stretches).  To put this into perspective Rotoworld posted this great article which shows that everyone (except my brother) has bigger hands than Michael Vick (8.5″), even my mother.  Yet none of us even reach Favre or Russell Wilson’s 10+ inch hands.  And on a more hilarious note, my Mom has bigger hands than Tony Romo…. Jerry Jones you’d better start looking for a new quarterback.

So Osweiler’s hands aren’t the biggest of all-time, but they’re bigger than mine and that’s enough to be a decent NFL QB.  So with Osweiler joining the Texans I believe they’re in good hands.  Wow, that pun wasn’t even intentional.  It burns my eyes.  But mostly hurt my hands to type that.

Now everyone take a deep breath.  Because Osweiler isn’t going to bust like I’ve heard so many people say.  Is he worth less money than Jay Cutler?  Yes.  And that’s exactly the contract that he got.  Go get ’em Osweiler.  I hope you enjoyed my very unscientific methodology.

Mini Hits

Peyton Manning Retirement Grade – 11 out of 10 Favres

Manning dragged this out for too long.  I wrote multiple posts about him.  And well, that’s enough to get onto my list.  The one where you get 11 Favres.  And Peyton Manning you did go to 11… just not last season.  Please don’t unretire.  (Reported by everyone ever everywhere and I’m hoping one day I don’t hear about this ever again)

DeMarco Murray Traded to the Titans – No Grade

This could be a good fit.  This could also be a disaster.  Of course Murray was understandably unhappy in Philly with Chip Kelly running the show, but maybe a change of scenery to a place with a young, decent QB and more of an offensive line will help him out.  Until the details of this trade are known I will not be able to grade it. But it could easily be a win-win for both sides.  Except for Dallas.  Dallas lost this trade big time. (Trade reported by Adam Schefter here.)

Kiko Alonso and Byron Maxwell Traded to the Dolphins – ???

Good trade for the Eagles, bad trade for the Dolphins.  Why take on these two contracts when you could be developing players or maybe giving Tannehill something to work with?  I can’t give a grade to the Dolphins for this trade, but I like what Philly is doing.  Hopefully this allows the Eagles rebuild to go that much more smoothly, but after Chip Kelly drained the team of talent how on Earth is it possible that losing any starters will help them this season?  (Trade reported by Ian Rapoport here.)

Don’t Forget Free Agency Opens on Wednesday!  I’ll have nightly recaps and post my thoughts.  Not to mention I will post often on twitter.


Joe Flacco Contract Grade – 7 out of 10 Favres

Joe Flacco’s extension as reported by Jeff Zrebiec of the Baltimore Sun lowers his cap hit for next year from $28.55 million dollars to $22.55 million dollars with $40 million in new guaranteed money.  This is getting a 7 out of 10 Favres.  Not because it’s a bad move, it allows them to build more of a team around Flacco, but because of how exasperated Ozzie Newsome had to be with Joe Flacco by now.  Rather than being a retirement PR nightmare that kept Aaron Rodgers on the bench, Joe Flacco has been a contract nightmare along with his agent that has kept a super bowl run out of reach. It’s really, really hard to build a great team around an expensive player, unless that player is a future Hall of Famer.  And I don’t think Flacco will ever make it into the Hall of Fame.  The good news is he can go deep, and deserves to be paid more than Jay because of his Super Bowl win.

Sam Bradford Extension Grade

Conor Orr of reports that Sam Bradford has signed a two-year extension worth $36 million dollars with $26 million guaranteed.

Sam Bradford Contract Grade – 11 out of 10 Albert Haynesworths

While not a bad deal financially for a quarterback that managed to stay mostly healthy for the first time in a long time can you feel the despair coming from Philadelphia?  It’s over 3000 pounds of Albert Haynesworth’s contracts coming down on you.  Ouch.  That sounds incredibly painful.  Bradford is getting the contract Jay Cutler should have gotten.  Kudos to Philly on getting the stopgap contract right.  However, he won’t take you to a Super Bowl.

Update: On second thought. Philly’s best chance to win is to trade for Jay and put Tebow at running back.


1500 Yard Penalty on Me for Unsportsmanlike Bragging

Oh the fantasy football offseason. A time to obsess with stats and look over my great work from a season ago. I won the 8 team league I’m in with my family and the 10 team league I’m in with some college friends. Hell, I even won some cash playing daily fantasy.

So what have I been doing with myself? Playing madden. Checking out football cards for the first time. Playing piano. And most importantly starting a blog which will result in a 1500 Yard Penalty against my teams.

I’ve really just been looking to have a good time. And I’m happy to report that’s what this blog is. Nothing more and nothing less than me having fun with my favorite sport, football. You won’t see combine news here because who cares? The pundits will create storylines and then be astonished that only Jerry Jones and Jimmy Haslam have the guts to listen to their bad decisions.

That being said I plan on offering daily analysis of many free agency signings and I’ll talk about the draft. And some combine numbers. Because Trufant McBiggles running a 3.8 40 is super impressive. Almost as impressive as Miller Fitzfigs benching 59 reps. Seriously. It could happen. Those names now have traction. Almost as much as my car’s bald tires. I bet Al Davis’s ghost is already on the phone to verify my phony numbers. He’s going to draft these guys so high they’ll go in round 0. Round 0 a mythical place where legends like Larry Dickman and Cinderella Biggums were drafted.

Since all retirements are graded in Favres stayed tuned to see what draft picks and signings will be graded in.

NFL Retirement Grades

Jared Allen – 10 out of 10 Favres retirement rating

I don’t think I’d started my blog when Allen announced his retirement. Riding off into the sunset is a great way to go out. Truly deserving of a 10 out of 10 Favres rating. I was never a huge fan, but he was a great player until Chicago signed him.

Peyton Manning – 4 out of 10 Favres

With camp Manning deciding that they haven’t made a decision I’m bumping this up to 4 out of 10 Favres. He’ll get 10 out of 10 if he doesn’t retire. Hopefully he’s drinking a lot of beer.

Marshawn Lynch – 5 out of 10 Favres

I know it didn’t happen this week, and it was fairly classy. 5 out of 10 Favres. Everyone saw it coming.

Justin Tuck – 2 out of 10 Favres

Good player, but not very dominant of late. He probably waited one season too long.

Heath Miller – 4 out of 10 Favres

Decent tight end and surprising until you see that he was approaching his mid thirties.

Jerod Mayo – 6 out of 10 Favres

Surprising even if his last few seasons have been quite injury plagued. Patriots are losing a good player.

Jon Beason – 1 Out of 10 Favres

I can’t remember the last time he was healthy. I’d certainly rather not play by choice than by injury.

Check back for more retirement, tag, and free agency grades in the coming weeks.

Peyton Manning Retirement Grade – 1 Out of 10 Favres

Peyton Manning rides off into the sunset. Maybe not as gracefully as Jared Allen. Manning deserves a grade of 1 out of Favre. He didn’t draw it out, he won a Super Bowl, and he’s retiring with his 2nd team. Good for Manning.

Now as a Bears fan living in Colorado I get to listen to months of Broncos hype about Osweiler or whoever they have at quarterback. Can’t make this offseason any more unbearable can you Peyton? Not to mention Manning was worse than Jay Cutler this year. He did everything he could to derail the Broncos super bowl, but the defense prevailed. Now we get to listen to about how Manning is the best QB of all time. Gag me.

Why I’d Rather have Jay

This offseason in the NFL will be fast and furious.  Today I’m going to go over some of the top quarterback options poised to hit the market… And why I’d rather have Jay Cutler.

Kirk Cousins

With nearly a 70% completion percentage, almost 4200 yards, 29 touchdowns, and only 11 interceptions Cousins seems like a good bet right?  Well, good news first, Cousins was only sacked 26 times last year.  A number very similar to Jay Cutler’s last year.  But let’s look at the Redskins schedule.  The best teams they played during the regular season?  The New York Jets, New England Patriots, and Carolina Panthers.  All 3 games resulting in a big old loss.  Was this Cousins fault?  Probably not.  But when you’re playing Chip Kelly’s Eagles, the Giants, and Romo-less Cowboys twice in a year, you’re going to win. And make throws you couldn’t make against a team with a proper cornerback.  “You Like That!?!?”

Now Jay Cutler on a horrendous Bears team that saw Alshon Jeffery, Matt Forte, Bushrod, Kevin White, Eddie Royal, and basically everyone on offense (including Jay) miss time with a horrendous defense even managed to beat the Packers.  Yet Cousins couldn’t.  I’d still rather stick with Jay.

Brock Osweiler

I like Brock Osweiler a lot.  I’m only talking about for the next year or 2, not 10 when Jay is on the wrong side of 40.  Osweiler got sacked, a lot.  Try 23 time in 8 games as compared to Jay’s 29 times in 15 games.  For this reason I’m going to give Osweiler more slack on his stats than Cousins.  2000 yards in 8 games isn’t bad at all.  But 6 interceptions is.  That shows a lack of decision making that wasn’t purely the result of pressure.  Jay only threw 11 interceptions in 15 starts.  So Osweiler has a ways to come.  And only 10 touchdowns Brock?  Unacceptable.  I don’t care if you can’t run.  Just huck it.  Go Brett Favre on the Chiefs and Chargers with your 6′ 7″ frame and massive arm.  I’d still rather have Jay… next year anyhow.

Colin Kaepernick (Pending Trade, but available anyhow)

Well… he can run.  And almost throw.  His career pass completion percentage is 59.9%.  So, do I really need to say more?  I still think it’s hilarious Blaine Gabbert is better than him according to Jim Tomsula, everyone’s favorite mobster dressed as an NFL coach.  Do I even have to type out how I’d rather have Jay?

Sam Bradford

He has chicken legs after missing what seems like his entire career rehabbing knee injuries.  I really like Bradford.  But how can anyone plant when they’re throwing and look like Twiggy?  Not happening.  Don’t even care about the stats or Chip Kelly’s amazing coaching mind.  Chip Kelly did for coaching what Matt Millen did for General Managing.

Chase Daniels

There’s so little to look at, but he’s the real wild card of the bunch unlike…

Ryan “The Choker” Fitzpatrick

All the Jets had to do was win and to make the playoffs.  Instead Fitzpatrick showed he’ll never help a team win when he just kept throwing useless interceptions in Week 17.  GG Fitz.

That’s all for today’s exciting edition of “Why I’d Rather Have Jay.”  Tell me your thoughts.  Or just simmer angrily that any Bears fan would Rather Have Jay.