Hand Size Matters, An Unscientific Method

After mostly ignoring the NFL combine a few things became clear this week.  Namely, that hand size matters a HUGE amount (Note: Perverts leave NOW).  With the start of free agency we were greeted with a video of Brock Osweiler keeping a fight from occurring.  The video was posted on TMZ, and if you watch closely you’ll see that hand size matters.  Brock Osweiler never actually drops his pizza even as he defuses a fight.  If you look at Brock Osweiler’s hand size at the combine, he measures in at 9 7/8″.  That’s pretty big.

In and unscientific method I quickly measured my hand size as the NFL does.  My hand measures in at 9 1/4″.  For control I measured my family members too.  My brother measures in at 8 1/4,” my Mom at 9,” and my step-dad at 9 1/4.”  I play piano, but my brother does not, leading to my hand span being larger as a result (See Brandon Allen and his Magic Hand Stretches).  To put this into perspective Rotoworld posted this great article which shows that everyone (except my brother) has bigger hands than Michael Vick (8.5″), even my mother.  Yet none of us even reach Favre or Russell Wilson’s 10+ inch hands.  And on a more hilarious note, my Mom has bigger hands than Tony Romo…. Jerry Jones you’d better start looking for a new quarterback.

So Osweiler’s hands aren’t the biggest of all-time, but they’re bigger than mine and that’s enough to be a decent NFL QB.  So with Osweiler joining the Texans I believe they’re in good hands.  Wow, that pun wasn’t even intentional.  It burns my eyes.  But mostly hurt my hands to type that.

Now everyone take a deep breath.  Because Osweiler isn’t going to bust like I’ve heard so many people say.  Is he worth less money than Jay Cutler?  Yes.  And that’s exactly the contract that he got.  Go get ’em Osweiler.  I hope you enjoyed my very unscientific methodology.

Joe Flacco Contract Grade – 7 out of 10 Favres

Joe Flacco’s extension as reported by Jeff Zrebiec of the Baltimore Sun lowers his cap hit for next year from $28.55 million dollars to $22.55 million dollars with $40 million in new guaranteed money.  This is getting a 7 out of 10 Favres.  Not because it’s a bad move, it allows them to build more of a team around Flacco, but because of how exasperated Ozzie Newsome had to be with Joe Flacco by now.  Rather than being a retirement PR nightmare that kept Aaron Rodgers on the bench, Joe Flacco has been a contract nightmare along with his agent that has kept a super bowl run out of reach. It’s really, really hard to build a great team around an expensive player, unless that player is a future Hall of Famer.  And I don’t think Flacco will ever make it into the Hall of Fame.  The good news is he can go deep, and deserves to be paid more than Jay because of his Super Bowl win.

Sam Bradford Extension Grade

Conor Orr of NFL.com reports that Sam Bradford has signed a two-year extension worth $36 million dollars with $26 million guaranteed.

Sam Bradford Contract Grade – 11 out of 10 Albert Haynesworths

While not a bad deal financially for a quarterback that managed to stay mostly healthy for the first time in a long time can you feel the despair coming from Philadelphia?  It’s over 3000 pounds of Albert Haynesworth’s contracts coming down on you.  Ouch.  That sounds incredibly painful.  Bradford is getting the contract Jay Cutler should have gotten.  Kudos to Philly on getting the stopgap contract right.  However, he won’t take you to a Super Bowl.

Update: On second thought. Philly’s best chance to win is to trade for Jay and put Tebow at running back.