1500 Yard Penalty on Me for Unsportsmanlike Bragging

Oh the fantasy football offseason. A time to obsess with stats and look over my great work from a season ago. I won the 8 team league I’m in with my family and the 10 team league I’m in with some college friends. Hell, I even won some cash playing daily fantasy.

So what have I been doing with myself? Playing madden. Checking out football cards for the first time. Playing piano. And most importantly starting a blog which will result in a 1500 Yard Penalty against my teams.

I’ve really just been looking to have a good time. And I’m happy to report that’s what this blog is. Nothing more and nothing less than me having fun with my favorite sport, football. You won’t see combine news here because who cares? The pundits will create storylines and then be astonished that only Jerry Jones and Jimmy Haslam have the guts to listen to their bad decisions.

That being said I plan on offering daily analysis of many free agency signings and I’ll talk about the draft. And some combine numbers. Because Trufant McBiggles running a 3.8 40 is super impressive. Almost as impressive as Miller Fitzfigs benching 59 reps. Seriously. It could happen. Those names now have traction. Almost as much as my car’s bald tires. I bet Al Davis’s ghost is already on the phone to verify my phony numbers. He’s going to draft these guys so high they’ll go in round 0. Round 0 a mythical place where legends like Larry Dickman and Cinderella Biggums were drafted.

Since all retirements are graded in Favres stayed tuned to see what draft picks and signings will be graded in.


Why I’d Rather have Jay

This offseason in the NFL will be fast and furious.  Today I’m going to go over some of the top quarterback options poised to hit the market… And why I’d rather have Jay Cutler.

Kirk Cousins

With nearly a 70% completion percentage, almost 4200 yards, 29 touchdowns, and only 11 interceptions Cousins seems like a good bet right?  Well, good news first, Cousins was only sacked 26 times last year.  A number very similar to Jay Cutler’s last year.  But let’s look at the Redskins schedule.  The best teams they played during the regular season?  The New York Jets, New England Patriots, and Carolina Panthers.  All 3 games resulting in a big old loss.  Was this Cousins fault?  Probably not.  But when you’re playing Chip Kelly’s Eagles, the Giants, and Romo-less Cowboys twice in a year, you’re going to win. And make throws you couldn’t make against a team with a proper cornerback.  “You Like That!?!?”

Now Jay Cutler on a horrendous Bears team that saw Alshon Jeffery, Matt Forte, Bushrod, Kevin White, Eddie Royal, and basically everyone on offense (including Jay) miss time with a horrendous defense even managed to beat the Packers.  Yet Cousins couldn’t.  I’d still rather stick with Jay.

Brock Osweiler

I like Brock Osweiler a lot.  I’m only talking about for the next year or 2, not 10 when Jay is on the wrong side of 40.  Osweiler got sacked, a lot.  Try 23 time in 8 games as compared to Jay’s 29 times in 15 games.  For this reason I’m going to give Osweiler more slack on his stats than Cousins.  2000 yards in 8 games isn’t bad at all.  But 6 interceptions is.  That shows a lack of decision making that wasn’t purely the result of pressure.  Jay only threw 11 interceptions in 15 starts.  So Osweiler has a ways to come.  And only 10 touchdowns Brock?  Unacceptable.  I don’t care if you can’t run.  Just huck it.  Go Brett Favre on the Chiefs and Chargers with your 6′ 7″ frame and massive arm.  I’d still rather have Jay… next year anyhow.

Colin Kaepernick (Pending Trade, but available anyhow)

Well… he can run.  And almost throw.  His career pass completion percentage is 59.9%.  So, do I really need to say more?  I still think it’s hilarious Blaine Gabbert is better than him according to Jim Tomsula, everyone’s favorite mobster dressed as an NFL coach.  Do I even have to type out how I’d rather have Jay?

Sam Bradford

He has chicken legs after missing what seems like his entire career rehabbing knee injuries.  I really like Bradford.  But how can anyone plant when they’re throwing and look like Twiggy?  Not happening.  Don’t even care about the stats or Chip Kelly’s amazing coaching mind.  Chip Kelly did for coaching what Matt Millen did for General Managing.

Chase Daniels

There’s so little to look at, but he’s the real wild card of the bunch unlike…

Ryan “The Choker” Fitzpatrick

All the Jets had to do was win and to make the playoffs.  Instead Fitzpatrick showed he’ll never help a team win when he just kept throwing useless interceptions in Week 17.  GG Fitz.

That’s all for today’s exciting edition of “Why I’d Rather Have Jay.”  Tell me your thoughts.  Or just simmer angrily that any Bears fan would Rather Have Jay.