After mostly ignoring the NFL combine a few things became clear this week. Namely, that hand size matters a HUGE amount (Note: Perverts leave NOW). With the start of free agency we were greeted with a video of Brock Osweiler keeping a fight from occurring. The video was posted on TMZ, and if you watch closely you’ll see that hand size matters. Brock Osweiler never actually drops his pizza even as he defuses a fight. If you look at Brock Osweiler’s hand size at the combine, he measures in at 9 7/8″. That’s pretty big.
In and unscientific method I quickly measured my hand size as the NFL does. My hand measures in at 9 1/4″. For control I measured my family members too. My brother measures in at 8 1/4,” my Mom at 9,” and my step-dad at 9 1/4.” I play piano, but my brother does not, leading to my hand span being larger as a result (See Brandon Allen and his Magic Hand Stretches). To put this into perspective Rotoworld posted this great article which shows that everyone (except my brother) has bigger hands than Michael Vick (8.5″), even my mother. Yet none of us even reach Favre or Russell Wilson’s 10+ inch hands. And on a more hilarious note, my Mom has bigger hands than Tony Romo…. Jerry Jones you’d better start looking for a new quarterback.
So Osweiler’s hands aren’t the biggest of all-time, but they’re bigger than mine and that’s enough to be a decent NFL QB. So with Osweiler joining the Texans I believe they’re in good hands. Wow, that pun wasn’t even intentional. It burns my eyes. But mostly hurt my hands to type that.
Now everyone take a deep breath. Because Osweiler isn’t going to bust like I’ve heard so many people say. Is he worth less money than Jay Cutler? Yes. And that’s exactly the contract that he got. Go get ’em Osweiler. I hope you enjoyed my very unscientific methodology.
Unsportsmanlike Bragging 